A long long time ago, in the Land Down Under, there were many people who studied the language of the Japanese. Tom, the tall man with shoulder legth mane suggested to the group to try the exotic food of the Chinese “Fellow students of the great tertiary education institution named RMIT,would you like to join me in a feast of Crazy wings for lunchens?” while many that were part of the group protested, as the food sounded like it either could cause some form of rabies or had enough spices to asshole lining of the asshole “Er…chotto” they said, using the language they learnt from their teacher or better yet, their sensei, politely rejecting Tom’s insane invitation. Never the less a few brave men went with him, riding on their horses, only to find out when they got there that it was closed FAIL~ they return to class without eating lunch(I think, I don’t really know) I laughed in their faces, they told me I should come the next day and called me a pussy, nice guys nice. I questioned their motives mmm do they really want me to try some food with them or did they want to indirectly kill me and not get blamed I thought. I asked them several questions before I make my decision “Is it hotter than Nando’s?” the dark one named Savann replied “No” I thought wow thank you Savann for your most descriptive answer, I turn to Judd, le Chilean man that could speak the dialect of sex(aka Spanish como esta Judd? Wink wink, moy bien ey?) he thought for a second and spoke out his answer but I could not hear him due to other students talking like cackling witches, all I could hear Judd say was something about the throat hurting and I thought to myself that’s what she said. I possibly also asked the man with dirty golden hair, he was named after the FRUIT tomato but I don’t really remember, it was a freaking Wednesday ok!
Anyways while in Michael-Sensei’s class I could not pay attention, the other students know why. It sticks to his cave and stretches each time he speaks a word…so….distracting. Tom, Judd, Tomato and Kaban were sitting behind, possibly scheming their evil plan to because they are evil. They got a business card from the restaurant that told us it would be open from 11 in the morning to some time at night, wait how are we supposed to tell the time if we’re in medieval times? Anyways they once again call me a pussy and I was like “I BITE MY THUMB AT YOU BITCH MEN” and I gloved slapped them in the face and told them “I ACCEPT YE CHALLENGE OF EATING THE CRAZY WINGS OF THE CHINESE” they told me to “Bring it!” and I asked them “are you telling me to bring my lunchen tomorrow?” “no, don’t bring your lunchen”
The day finally came, I came to school by Horse-drawn carriage, coz I’m high class. Class as normal (I’m only saying this coz I don’t remember what happened LOL) when lunch time came some decided to eat before attempting the food of the Middle Kingdom, they have good heads or as the Japanese would say あたまがいい once everyone was finish eating their lunchen we set off on how pure-breed horses to Crazy Wings. We arrive and ordered our deaths, it only cost $2.50 how cheap. About 20 minutes or something (it would’ve been faster if they have heard of something called a grill) and it arrived. Red as the blood in our veins, covered in spices of many lands, our death. Crazy.mother.fucking.wings. Everyone who was a crazy wing virgin told a bite expecting it to be no hotter than the fail wings of fried chicken of the land of Kentucky. Then BAM like a punch in the mouth, the spices kicked in, burning my tongue, my lips and my throat, I thought it would stop but it burned more, who created such a thing? Satan?! Is this the work of Satan? Never the less, I hurry to finish it, within 5 minutes, I shed tears(manly men cry) and drooled like I was a baby. My face was like this
We rode on our horses back to school but could not make it without stopping at 7-11 to get some utter milk of the cow flavoured with cocoa of the South Americans. Savann ate 3 because he is ‘tough’ so etc etc etc back in class, someone suggested to sensei to eat some crazy wings claiming it was delicious and slightly hot. She took one bite then BAM, like someone using her mouth as a punching bag it hit her, it hit her hard :O her face went….i sort of wasn’t paying attention at this point coz nearly died and I got water on the way as well and drank all of it in like 5 minutes and I stupidly rubbed my eyes with my fingers and got some chilli in it.
Many days later
I could feel it, I could feel the heat of the spices moving in my stomach ready to make an exit, I wanted nothing more but I knew it would be painful. I approach the toilet sat on it and pusheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed and pusheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed I could feel the heat coming out as it stung the fuck out of my asshole, like my asshole was being bleached(I only know the sensation from bleach in my hair, I have never bleached my asshole before) MOTHERFUCKER I yelled in my head as I grind my teeth. Plop! Ah~ I draw a sigh of relief it has finally finished, but wait a minute what is this feeling, this feeling of still being filled with heat, o no, not another, I pusssssssssshhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddd but it didn’t want to come out instead deciding to sit in my rectum, burning like a motherfucker. I decided to swipe my ass and get out of there and shit it out later. An hour later I approach the toilet once again. I shitted it out HIGH 5 EVERYONE YAY~ plop plop! It broke in half as it came out of my behind.
BONUS: toilet fun
Rating: NC-17(for description of faecal matter)
Pairing: Antonio and & my lover (suck on that bitches)
Summary: Having fun together is what life is all about
A/N: omg like this is like a typical like message from the fanfic writer of like how like shit I think my own story is even though like I totally know my stories get you all horny and make you blow your like load and like cum and like yer and like stuff
One day, while using the computer I felt like using the toilet, inside me felt like a food baby but I know it wasn’t. It couldn’t be, guys can’t get pregnant, unless you were playing sims 2, anyways so it was totally a shit baby waiting to be delivered. I walk towards the toilet and I hear grunting as if someone was lifting weights…it came form the toilet so they totally weren’t lifting weights. I knock on the door
“are you nearly finished Gdragon-Hyung-oppa-lover”
“No baby-lover-dongsaeng-my one and only love-honey-darling-flawless head bitch in charge, just one more minute, I feel like I’ delivering twins today, maybe even triplets, why do you need to pee or shit?”
“I need to shit too”
"ok, come in” he opens the door and somehow still seated on the toilet, as I walk in I am hit in the face with the smell of feaces…it smelt like…diarrhea with chilli and stuff, curious of the smell I ask him
“did you have Indian yesterday?”
“yes, how did you know?”
“o god, is it that bad?”
“no, it smells like roses” I force a smile and try not to breathe in such shit. How could my lover have such smelly shit, why doesn’t his shit actually smell like roses, I question our relationship sometimes due to this factor HA just kidding yall fangirls thought you had a chance.
“Omg I have an idea…why don’t we~” he started suggesting with a sly smile on his face
“Why don’t we what?”
“Take a shit together!!!”
“WAEEEEEEEEE GEURAE(why are you like this) HYUNG(older male, honorific)” I say, shocked at such spontaneous suggestions from my lover-baby-hyung(we do it every time and stuff *please refer to older fanfic somewhere in the massive convo*)
“oh, come on, it would be cute ^_^”
This man, why. I give in to the kawaiiness and sigh, he takes this as a yes and scoots over on the toilet seat, I drop my pants down and place my fine ass that Gdragon totally likes and stuff and like stuff and begin pushing, god damn, I thought I was having triplets as well, I should eat more kimchi next time, I’m told it helps with constipation. One begins turtle necking out of my ass, I feel it scarping my asshole, totally knowing that when I wipe my ass it will have blood on it LOL. My lover is shocked over the fact that I started shitting before him “Omo!(Korean way of saying Oh My Gosh) you totally can’t shit before me, I was here before you” and he also starts pushing, veins start to appear on his forehead and his face begins to go red. Plop! One down and…I have no idea how many to go not too long after he drops he’s first.
Plop! Plop! Plop!
Lol my poo broke itself into 3 pieces and caused splash back. “EW” yelped Gdragon, “You’re lucky it didn’t hit my ass” anyways to cut the story short coz im going to eat dinner now, we finished taking a shit and lived happily ever after. When we walked out of the toilet we saw Taeyang being all like-